Just Pretending

I'm just pretending I can do this.  I don't think I'm supposed to be here, or at least not as a student.  Perhaps a janitor or an invisible shadow would be better states of being for me while here within these scholarly walls.

     You're all English majors" she said.

     Well..I'm not.  But it sparks the notion I've always argued with myself over, the idea that people within a major have some magical power within themselves that is perfect for their major and allows them to rise to the specific challenges tied to that major.  Engineers have Math power, Englishy's have analytical power entwined with expressive grace.  I seem to fall short of the second half of all these powers. I can appreciate eloquence, yet can't seem to achieve it myself.  I can appreciate the intricacy of mathematics and how they become the window to the unimaginable, unthinkable, the ultimate grandeur of the universe, but I can't hold enough of its rules in my head at any one time to apply them liberally.  I'm so limited to my immediate environment...it's almost as if I have nothing to give without first being given something.  How useless is that.  I do nothing to contribute if I merely remodel what's already there. Why can't I be the kind that put something there first?